Big Oil, Price Gouging, & Bad Poopy
This is both an informative article about and an Official GPN Statement of Response to the current Gas Pricing crisis.
I am about to tell you what the Founding Fathers of the Good Poopy Nation have known for months. The severity of the Oil Crisis, the voracious greed of Big Oil, and their despicable Price Gouging that is causing you so much pain right now are all being caused by the same problem: Bad Poopy. Yes, yes, it's true, once again. Bad Poopy, the most insidious disease to ever plague mankind, is behind this current national problem.
Big Oil fatcats have tons of money. This exorbitant amount of money can buy them rich, expensive foods cooked by out-of-control superstar chefs like Emeril who use way too much exotic spice. This, in turn, does not sit well in the geriatric stomachs of these white-haired Big Oil executives, causing them to get the Bad Poopy. Since they subsequently spend so much time in the toilet, they spend even larger, more grotesque amounts of money to have state-of-the-art toilets, toilet technology, and toilet accessories wherever they believe they may have to make Bad Poopy: their homes, their summer homes, their mistresses &/or pool boys homes, the office, their secretary's bedrooms, everywhere. In order to pay for all of these posterior comforts and still be able to enjoy the foods causing their frequent defecation trips, the idiots at Big Oil pass the cost of their scatalogic folly onto you, the oil consumer, at the gas pump. It is a vicious, never-ending cycle that must be stopped.
Money buys food, food causes Bad Poopy, BP causes need for more money, money is siphoned straight from your wallet at the gas pump and back into Big Oil's pockets, where they buy more BP-causing food and the cycle starts all over again.
The Founding Fathers of the Good Poopy Nation hereby declare that if you are a Big Oil Fatcat, do not come crying to us or this illustrious organization for advice in dealing with your Bad Poopy problems, not until the madness of passing Bad Poopy problems onto your consumers has ended.
We have spoken.
I am about to tell you what the Founding Fathers of the Good Poopy Nation have known for months. The severity of the Oil Crisis, the voracious greed of Big Oil, and their despicable Price Gouging that is causing you so much pain right now are all being caused by the same problem: Bad Poopy. Yes, yes, it's true, once again. Bad Poopy, the most insidious disease to ever plague mankind, is behind this current national problem.
Big Oil fatcats have tons of money. This exorbitant amount of money can buy them rich, expensive foods cooked by out-of-control superstar chefs like Emeril who use way too much exotic spice. This, in turn, does not sit well in the geriatric stomachs of these white-haired Big Oil executives, causing them to get the Bad Poopy. Since they subsequently spend so much time in the toilet, they spend even larger, more grotesque amounts of money to have state-of-the-art toilets, toilet technology, and toilet accessories wherever they believe they may have to make Bad Poopy: their homes, their summer homes, their mistresses &/or pool boys homes, the office, their secretary's bedrooms, everywhere. In order to pay for all of these posterior comforts and still be able to enjoy the foods causing their frequent defecation trips, the idiots at Big Oil pass the cost of their scatalogic folly onto you, the oil consumer, at the gas pump. It is a vicious, never-ending cycle that must be stopped.
Money buys food, food causes Bad Poopy, BP causes need for more money, money is siphoned straight from your wallet at the gas pump and back into Big Oil's pockets, where they buy more BP-causing food and the cycle starts all over again.
The Founding Fathers of the Good Poopy Nation hereby declare that if you are a Big Oil Fatcat, do not come crying to us or this illustrious organization for advice in dealing with your Bad Poopy problems, not until the madness of passing Bad Poopy problems onto your consumers has ended.
We have spoken.
posted by Justin Hedges at 4/25/2006 11:25:00 PM
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