GPN Official Statement of Response - 11/20/2005

The GPN would like to post an OSR, or Official Statement of Response, to the tragic events described in this NewKerala.com article:

Four Women Forced To Eat Human Excreta In Orissa

OSR as follows:

The Founding Fathers of the Good Poopy Nation denounce any and all forms of cruelty involving poopy, especially the forced eating of said poop. The Founding Fathers are realists; the bowel movement process, however transcendent and spiritual, is a bodily function designed to get things out of your body that you don't need. However funny we find poop jokes, it is waste, human waste, and should not be considered a device of punishment such as a Hanson Humbler, a plaything such as a toy submarine, or a consumable item like a Twinkie or chocolate.

End OSR. Be Happy... Make Good Poopy.

GPN-Approved Propoganda Statement of the Day 11/20/05

BE HAPPY...

MAKE GOOD POOPY.

- This message has been approved by the Founding Fathers of the Good Poopy Nation.

Good Poopy: A Symphony of Pleasure

There is a reason it is called a bowel movement. How many times have the great works of Mozart, Beethoven, and Bon Jovi been referred to as great movements? Just say the word aloud, it's a beautiful thing. Movement. According to the teachings of the Godfather, transmitted to the Founding Fathers telepathically from the afterlife, this is not a mistake or coincidence. Bowel movements are so-named by design, the Grand Design.

The releasing of one's bowels is a great symphony of the body, a combined, transcendent experience of body, mind, and spirit that lightens the load on one's shoulders (by several ounces in most cases, many on a good day), enlightens one (recommended reading for women is Cosmopolitan, for men Mad Magazine), clears the mind (you can't think if you've got cramps), cleanses the body (enemas are good, not bad), and lifts the spirit (a really good poopy can make you feel 10 pounds lighter and 100 times sexier). Contrast that with the bad poopy, which can make you feel like you want to throw up, make you break out in cold sweats, cause your sphincter to burn, and generally mess up your entire day and throw your chi out of balance.

Now, apply this symphony to your life. Commit a crime, go to jail, become a jailhouse bitch. Bad Poopy. Commit yourself to charity work, make other peoples' lives better, beautiful supermodels (both men and women, depending on your personal taste) will think you are sensitive and caring and do freaky sex things with you that they wouldn't even consider with other people. Good Poopy.

That is the beauty of the Good Poopy philosophy as taught to us by the Godfather, may he poop in peace. Simple lessons on life that promote a Good Poopy lifestyle. If it doesn't make sense to you right now, you might need to make poopy.